YALE-NUS, EAST CORE – In the wake of the dispute over the sovereign rights of library territory, a National University of Singapore (NUS) splinter cell announced their intent to revolt against the Yale-NUS College aristocracy on Sunday. The proclamation was published on the “NUS Whispers” Facebook page, where offended NUS students vent their frustrations to the greater internet community. In the online manifesto, the anonymous insurgent remarked on the injustice of the Yale-NUS Library regulations, and said that he “felt like a peasant boy looking into the home of the aristocrats with the fireplace raging while I’m freezing outside”. The impassioned plea has rallied other disgruntled NUS students to his cause, and other anonymous freedom fighters have responded to the call to arms. Cries of “Vive la revolution” and “Time to overthrow the bourgeoisie [sic], comrade”, while revealing the major discontent over the privileges afforded to YNC students, has also shed light on the need to strengthen the NUS History department. As of press time, sources report that Book Haven officials are exasperatedly explaining that they do not sell pitchforks, torches, or guillotines.
Mocktant Memo: The bourgeoisie was the oppressed group that overthrew the French aristocracy during the French Revolution, not the oppressors.