Portrait Credit: Yale-NUS College Official Facebook Page
THE KINGDOM OF YALE-NUS COLLEGE — After seven months of global headhunting, the Yale-NUS Presidential Search Committee announced yesterday that they had successfully found the next president of Yale-NUS College and that he “had been right here with us all along.”
At last year’s mid-autumnal feast, incumbent president Pericles Lewis sent the committee on a quest to search for a candidate with “a portfolio that exemplified both ‘In Asia’ and ‘For The World’.” Armed with elven-forged longswords and clothed in mithril chain, Chair of the Yale-NUS Governing Board Frau Edith Stacks reported that the committee had “truly scoured the four corners of the world, from the windswept wastes of the Antarctic to the Pacific Northwest’s wretched hives of hipsterdom,” and added that in the search for the College’s next president, they “spared no expense and left no rock unturned.”
Despite the ardor of the intrepid committee, the fellowship was met with significant difficulties. While battling hordes of fierce provost-beasts and navigating treacherous pedagogical landscapes, the committee found more than 4 billion candidates who adequately met their standards for ‘In Asia’. However, even after several months of questing, they had yet to find a single successor who was doubtlessly ‘For The World’.
As midwinter approached, the search party was following its last few tracks in the snow with no clear claimant to the Yale-NUS Presidential Suite. “After the trail went cold in Kabul, we were all pretty disheartened,” said Frau Stacks. “A few aspirants came close, but none could live up to the Halcyonic legacy established by our founding president.”
Upon running out of leads, the seekers returned despondent to Singapore, where President Lewis was reportedly waiting for them with a knowing expression. When Frau Stacks reported the committee’s apparent failure, President Lewis merely smiled and said, “My children, do not despair, for what you were searching for this whole time has been right in front of your noses.”
Sources indicate that the committee members shared an epiphanic experience upon this revelation. “It was not a pointless mission,” Frau Stacks told reporters. “There was value in the journey. We didn’t just discover our next president; we also found ourselves along the way.”