SAGA COLLEGE — Saying that there were just too many options and too little time, rising sophomore Heather Chong (‘20) announced her reckless plan to overload on academic courses next semester.

Chong’s heedless announcement comes merely a day after the launch of the Module Registration Exercise for 2017-2018. While the devil-may-care first-year admitted that it wasn’t an easy decision, she claimed that she “will stand by it nonetheless.”

“I want to seize the opportunity the College has given me to explore my options by working myself to the bone,” the foolhardy Chong told reporters. “You can’t just decide what you want without considering how much of an exhausted, emotional wreck you want to be five weeks into the new semester.”

Currently a member of three dance groups, two student committees, and four other student organisations, Chong clarified that she does not intend to drop any of her extracurricular commitments next semester. Though she admitted that the juniors and seniors she had spoken to had advised her against overloading, Chong does not believe their advice applies to her, as she is “different”, and possesses an “unmatchable” work-ethic.

At press time, Chong’s statement was received by her friends with thunderous applause, and commendations such as “You go girl!” and “You do you!”

Intellectual Debate Section