In a recent Back-to-School survey conducted by The Mocktant, 89% of the 172 student respondents indicated that “Being Low-Key” was their top priority this semester. “Attempting to Finish Readings” was a close second, comprising 8% of students.

The 32-page long survey, which questioned returning upperclassmen on their resolutions for the semester, feelings about returning to dining hall food, and predicted number of hours on Facebook this semester, revealed that the majority of the student body is projected to retreat into their suites for longer hours this semester.

Other indicators that were frequently selected by students, such as “willingness to miss meals to study” and “willingness to choose my CAP over my friends”, also point to a student population that aims to be “low-key” and “study-oriented”. When asked for a tagline that embodied their school semester ahead, “save my CAP” resonated with 62% of respondents, while “new sem new me” saw an uptake of just over 20%.

Survey respondent Jeremiah Walcott (‘19) said, “I’m definitely going to be more low-key this sem, gotta raise that CAP so don’t be surprised if you don’t see me around!”. He later expressed this sentiment on his social media platforms, sharing his intended transformation to Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, Google+, Twitter, Snapchat, Reddit, Tumblr and Digg.

“My transcript has spoken,” said Rachel Goh (‘20) with downcast eyes, “and I have to quit at least three out of my current eighteen student organisations this semester. I’m definitely aiming to be more low-key, and focus more on academics and self-improvement.” Goh is currently the president of the Chess Team and the Kinect Dance Club, and maintained that she will not be leaving clubs where she holds a “vice-president or higher” position.

Conclusions from the survey also indicate that over 92% of students felt they performed “below average” relative to their cohort, while over 100 students said they would be making offerings to the Bell-Curve God this semester.