SINGAPORE – Yale-NUS College Sophomore Eden Choi (’20) has been awarded the 2017 Greenpeace Award after single-handedly changing the Earth’s climate. Eden was awarded the highest possible honours in environmental efforts after her humble ideas to ‘wipe up rising sea levels with towels’ and ‘paint all trees white to increase Earth’s albedo’ successfully reversed the worst anthropogenic disaster ever created.

After decades of futile efforts from climate scientists, Choi (’20) has stunned the world by lowering global sea levels by an entire meter and reducing global temperatures by 0.8 degree Celsius; all within the span of a month. Her remarkable feat has baffled leading scientists from all over the world. “I just cannot fathom how she managed to restore the Earth’s climate to pre-industrial revolution levels.” remarked climate scientist Joseph Sky.

Eden shared in her acceptance speech that she has been lugging towels down to West Coast Park daily and wiping up the sea. Her efforts have successfully offset melting ice sheets in the Polar Regions and eliminated the risk of climate change induced flooding for low lying regions. In addition, Eden has been spotted climbing trees and painting the leaves white to increase Earth’s overall albedo. As of today, every tree and shrub within the Clementi region has been covered in a perfect crisp layer of white paint. The increase in white surfaces has boosted Earth’s overall reflectivity and increased the cooling effect of albedo; thus curbing global temperature rise.

Her unorthodox methods required no assistance from any sophisticated technology whatsoever and have been hailed as ‘the greatest display of human ingenuity’ by many scientists worldwide.  When asked what inspired her unconventional ideas, Eden responded, “It all started when I spilled some coffee at the dining hall during breakfast. I hastily grabbed a bunch of paper towels to wipe it up and that’s when it hit me! Why can’t we do the same with rising sea levels?”

Eden’s suitemate Aquana Maris (’20) has confirmed that Eden shows no signs of stopping anytime soon. “She’s relentless about this,” Maris commented, “Everyday she’s either scrubbing white paint off her clothes or hanging wet salty towels in our living room to dry.”

When asked what her next project was going to be, Eden excitedly responded, “I think I’m going to make a pair of sunglasses for the sun. I’m sure it’s going to help with restoring Earth’s energy imbalance.”

Intellectual Debate Section