SAGA DINING HALL — 114 minutes after having sat down for a quick dinner, freshman Shariq Jamshed (21’) is still reported to be trapped at the Saga dining hall, too nervous to get up before everyone he is sitting with has finished their meal. Constricted by pervasive social norms, Jamshed was unable to leave unless his group of friends left too, which they did not.

SATS staff Aloysius Tan says he recalls Jamshed tapping in around 6 PM and eating by himself for 10 minutes, before he was joined by several members of his RCA group. “Soon”, he adds, “the whole table was filled with incoming diners”.

Eyewitness accounts suggest that by 6:33 PM, Jamshed was completely surrounded by acquaintances and others whom he barely knew, despite having an empty plate.

By 6:51 PM, things seemed to be looking hopeful for the trapped freshman, with only 3 other students still sitting around him. However, the situation took a drastic turn for the worse when one of the 3 students casually mentioned politics, attracting a horde of passersby desperate to add their two cents. Freedom eluded Jamshed once again at 7:10 PM, when the entire touch rugby team decided to join him.

As of press time, Jamshed’s chances still seem bleak, as a member of the touch rugby team just offered to “go grab some watermelon for the table”.


Quick Dinner Goes Awry

6:02: Jamshed enters the dining hall, finds a secluded space for quick meal

6:12: Several of his RCA members joins him

6:17: Jamshed finishes his dinner

6:21: Thomas, a member of his RCA group, makes skillful excuse to leave

6:25: Friend offers to get watermelon

6:29: 4 Acquaintances whom Jamshed barely know join the table

6:33: Jamshed now completely trapped both physically and socially

6:46: Some acquaintances leave, raising his hopes

6:51: Only 3 students remain, with finished meals, look ready to leave

6:52: Student casually mentions politics and gender, sparking long drawn debate

6:55: Nearby students offer their opinions to the debate

7:01: More watermelon is taken to supplement the debate

7:10: The entire touch rugby team enters, joins the table

7:33: All original inhabitants of the table have left, only Jamshed and rugby team remains

7:45: Member of the rugby team suggests they should leave soon

7:46: Opinion countered by another team member who wants more watermelon

8:07: Jamshed still at table after 80% of rugby team leaves, with 4 members still interested in the work he has to do tonight

8:15: More watermelon